


A knot which can't be unmade

by ca_te



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-07
Updated: 2010-09-07
Packaged: 2017-10-11 14:01:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written on 02 May 2010. Written from Merlin's POV, one-sided Merlin/Arthur</p>
    </blockquote>





	A knot which can't be unmade

**Author's Note:**

> Written on 02 May 2010. Written from Merlin's POV, one-sided Merlin/Arthur

"Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect, as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper."  
[Albert Einstein]

When the night sets over the roofs of Camelot, when the owls start to fly around looking for mice, when Gwen blows on the candles in Morgana's bedroom, Merlin silently walks out of his room, and down the corridors, till he reaches a silent, almost abandoned tower in the west wing of the castle. At the beginning, after he had discovered the tower, he didn't have the need to go there, his heart was still light, his mind overwhelmed by the life he had started to live in Camelot, by the way he could feel magic run and spin into his body. Then, slowly, something had begun to form and pulse at the level of his sternum.

At the beginning it was as a little, tight knot, and Merlin could point perfectly at the moment when it had blossomed inside of him. It had been a Sunday morning, the light was lazy outside and Merlin had walked in Arthur's room to wake him up. A ray of light was passing through the curtains, splashing over the prince's pillow, sliding along the gold of his hair. And even though Arthur was the one who was never honest about their friendship, the one who ordered Merlin around, in that moment there was something in the way Arthur's skin was smooth under the light, the way in which his chest rose and fell that made something knot up in Merlin's chest. Shaking he had taken a deep breath, Arthur's scent, which was twirling around the room, invaded his lungs, tightening the knot till the point when he was no longer able to undo it.

From that morning onwards it had been increasingly difficult for Merlin not to focus on Arthur's gestures, on the glint in his eyes as he was training, or on the way he slightly bite his lips when he was thinking too much. It had slowly become more and more difficult to focus, and above all to sleep, the walls always seemed too close around him, his body didn't seem to co-operate. That was when he decided that maybe the abandoned rooms that he had discovered could be of some use to him. The rooms were empty, their floor was cold, and above all they were silent. When he sits on the cold stone, back against the wall, looking at the still sky outside the window, its blue peace broken only by owls or bats passing by now and then, he can finally try to put his mind at rest, to try to undo that knot that Arthur has made inside of him without even noticing it.

And, even though Merlin knows all too well that he can't have what he wants, that Arthur can never unmade that knot with his hands, with his lips, it is somehow comforting to know that that knot is his destiny, that Arthur is his destiny.


End file.
